Epiphany

I have had an epiphany of sorts right now. I have realized that I will never be a great writer, poet, listener, talker, healer, lover etc. However, I will always be an average everything. It is kind of disappointing but after the heavy dosages of fatalism that I have had, on a deeper level: I do not care. 

That being said, I have my CIEs these days. I got done with a rapid fire round of them today, and now I have a 6 day gap. So, since I was bored, I took out one of the unread books lying in my shelf. I just finished it. It was Will Grayson Will Grayson by John Green and some David guy. A few months back I read a book by Leila Sales called ‘tonight the streets are ours.’

I found them both surprisingly relatable and atypical of a recent trend I have seen in modern day writers: music and friendships. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against it. But I want to understand. Because I am super confused, are there actually kids out there going through life like that? When I say I found them relatable, I found them relatable In the sense that the way they feel the emotions, the questions, the search. 

I think what authors miss out on is that they never present characters as balanced individuals. Either you are bloody mother Theresa or you are a cunt, plain and simple. That’s idiotic. No person is intrinsically good or bad. Characters always get presented as, if they are bad, people who made mistakes with good intentions, or if they are good, as people who just got hurt due to other people. But that’s not how the world works, yeah? 

We do something’s with bad intentions and we end up regretting them or we do things with good intentions and the outcomes are bad. The guilt weighs in on us and that’s the kind of characterisation I would love to see in a book. I want to see realism. Sometimes we don’t get forgiven for our mistakes, sometimes things end, sometimes there are no fairytale endings. 

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