I read his text message and my heart sank, only to rise again on a furious torrent of fire. I could have sworn I had changed the settings on my blog only so I could see it, then how was it that he knew? I hadn’t told him. But, just to be sure, just to give him the benefit of the doubt, I recheck my blog. I am filled with disappointment and a feeling so much worse, I never thought I would feel this way about him; I feel repulsed. With shaking hands I text back, ‘how did you know?’ His reply comes back so nonchalant, so light ‘I hacked into your account.’
We were having exams. I came to school in the morning and fell asleep. I woke just before the paper began. I wanted a drink of water. So i ran out of the class looking for my friend, I saw him going down the stairs, by that time I had a water bottle to my mouth. I was in a hurry. I rushed back to my class. The paper is over. I go downstairs, I don’t see him anywhere and my dad has come to pick me up, so I leave. I get back home and I text him. From his reply I know something is wrong. He says he won’t have me take him for granted. I call him. He shouts at me. I ignored him on purpose but he won’t put up with my shit anymore. I start crying, he says ‘oh please stop’.
We had a fight and after a bit he messages me, ‘I joined wordpress. I am blogging too now.’ I tell him that’s great. He sends me the link. The first post is about our fight and how he feels hurt. I talk to him about it. We get over it. Over the next few weeks I keep checking his blog, waiting for him to write something else. Nothing comes up. Just one more post after a fight we had about how he feels I am letting. Not a single post after that, and it’s been a little over a year. It made me think, was the blog just a way to guilt trip me?
I opened my whatsapp and he has blocked me. I am in shock then I am just angry. I message him on facebook; don’t ever talk to me again. He says I was ignoring him, I took him for granted. I am so sick of hearing that over and over again.
This is how a relationship starts becoming toxic. This is the moment where either you talk it out or you jump ship. Stop sacrificing yourself for people. I know it feels like a very noble thing to do but you’ll just end up ruining yourself for something or someone who won’t even care after a while.
Also, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about walking out of a relationship. If you aren’t happy, if you are hurting and if you know you need to walk out now, do it. Don’t stay just because you don’t want to hurt your SO. That is a one sided relationship that will never work out. You don’t owe them your life because they love you. Just like you shouldn’t be forced into liking someone just because they like you, you shouldn’t be forced into loving someone because they love you.
Love isn’t an obligation.