Of fragile male egos and rejection

Recently, I was talking to a friend of mine, and she recounted how when she was 14, a guy she turned down for a date, cornered her somewhere and tried to rape her. Her tale had me seething, and it also got me thinking of my own experiences with men.

When i was in 6th grade a guy in my class liked me. I was completely unaware of it until he Facebook messaged me. The message went somewhere along the lines of, ‘I like you.’ To which I replied that the feeling wasn’t mutual; his response was to call me a ‘randi (slut)‘, ‘ kanjri (bar dancer)‘, ‘ haramzadi (bastard)‘ etc. We were both 12 at the time and I just brushed it off as that particular guy being a special kind of douche. Well, this guy was special in the sense that he was my first stalker; have you ever lived in mortal fear of always being followed? Of someone always watching where you go, what you do? I have, at the tender age of 12.

Reading this message now, it almost seems laughable. But, is it really?

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Now that I look at this message all I can think of is that even at the age of 12, rejection could turn a guy into an abusive creep who went around stalking girls. 10 years later, will this guy turn into an acid attacker, a rapist, or will he have realized how stupid and disgusting he was and changed his ways?

I will be generalizing here, but what I have learned by now is that most guys can’t handle rejection. Sure, some of them won’t turn into acid attackers, but they can’t handle ‘no’ very well. They will call you a bitch, a hoe, a hypocrite; they will tell people that they are the ones who turned you down, that you were dying after them but they had to say no because you are a clingy obsessive bitch. Anything to protect their fragile male egos from accepting the fact that maybe there is someone in the world who isn’t desperately in love with them, that they aren’t as amazing as they think they are, that maybe, just maybe, someone in the world doesn’t want them.

Even now, at the age of 18, my friend tells me that she broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years on fairly good terms- I have met the guy, and he’s one of the nicest people I know, and she agrees with me- yet, this guy will always tell people that he is the one who broke up with her, that he dumped her. And I just want to know why? Why is it so hard for a guy to accept that the girl ended the relationship or that he was turned down? That someone said ‘no’ to him?

My best friend’s girlfriend broke up with him over a year ago, he is now dating another girl, yet if anyone ever mentions his ex-girlfriend he will be quick to reiterate how he is the one who ended the 1 and a half year relationship. Why? Can’t his ego accept the fact that she didn’t want to be with him anymore?

Why does this have anything to do with egos anyway? People fall out of love all the time; you can’t always be loved by the person you love, it is completely normal, yet why is it that guys turn it into something that emasculates them? Or pushes them to throw acid in someone’s face?

There are way too many instances of women having had acid thrown in their face, raped or killed for the simple of act of saying ‘no’ to a guy. And, it starts somewhere. Maybe, it starts with the 12 year old guy who thinks he can harass and abuse a girl for not liking him, or with the guy who’s mother never says no to him, or the guy who can’t accept that his girlfriend was the one to end the relationship. It starts somewhere, but where does it end?

This might seem like a stupid insignificant rant from a frustrated girl, or disguised misandry, but it’s not. It’s something that ruins and/or end lives. It is a real problem, a problem not only restricted to uneducated or lower class people, but a problem that is prevalent in all strata of society, albeit in varying forms.

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