I love heat.
The kind that toasts your skin a warm homelike brown
I like how the sun hits my face and my lips curve up in a smile anyway
And I loved the boy, who bent down in the early morning sunshine squinting
While he whispered you look beautiful in my ear.
I liked hugging him, because he was fever burning hot.
He felt like the warm embrace of a quilt or shirt you hold in front of the heater, before you put it on.
I choke at the smell of smoke
But there was the guy who I chatted with in a hotel courtyard as he smoked leaning against a pillar.
It was intoxicating. That thin trace of smoke from his filtered cigarette.
He was the one I pretended to fall asleep on once.
Just to see what’d he do.
And I remember, his slightly calloused hands trying to gently shift me off his shoulder and failing.
He’s the one, who i never told i love him with a straight face. Because he’s the one who came after the guy who always kept me warm.